My company cafeteria provides a wide selection of reasonably priced food. I go there almost every day. After a couple years of eating there, I have realized that while they screw up a lot of things, they do a few things just right. YAY FOOD REVIEWS! Here are the good ones:

chocolate chip cookie: for some reason, my company cafe makes the most awesome chocolate chip cookie. I am eating one right now. Perfectly crispy on the outside, chewy inside, fresh, lots of chips. It’s a mystery.

steamed rice: it’s hard to fuck up rice from a rice cooker. I love me some rice. with butter and cheese.

tuna salad in a little container: yummy. it has little red onions and bits of celery in it too.

tuna melt: aforementioned tuna, which is grilled separately in a pile on the griddle, then placed onto the toasted bread with melted cheese. Everything is nice and cooked.

tofu and peanut sauce over noodles or rice: I love when they serve this one.

turkey chili: awesome.

Those are the hits. Then there is all the average stuff, like the slightly burnt coffee. Then there are the MISSES:

hot dog: the hot dog is cut lengthwise down the center and grilled on the greasy dirty grill where the fish, etc. just was. You end up with a sweet, strange-tasting, slightly charred dog. Please only boil my hot dogs, dammit.

anything with chicken: the chicken pieces invariably taste dry and stringy, with plenty o’ gristle. Also they usually have an odd chemical-additive “smoky” flavor. Mmmm.

salad bar: usually bland city, unless they throw in a tray of yesterday’s leftover vegetables or cous cous.

mac-n-cheese: overly creamy to the point of being soupy. Ew.

lasagne: swimming in oil, and occasionally tarted up with inappropriate items, such as wet romaine lettuce or pulverized eggplant. Seriously.

You’re welcome!