On the way back I saw a billboard for some huge outlet mall. I’ve never been to an outlet mall, so I asked Brian what he thought about checking it out. Since he is Mr. Awesome, he said sure why not. The exit finally arrived, and we found ourselves driving through Michigan City, Indiana.

We drove and drove and drove, not seeing the outlet mall or any signs directing the way. We did however see lots of delapidation and factories and a giant nuclear cooling tower with steam billowing from its top. The closest we came to an outlet mall was an outlet cigarette store called the Butt Hut. Oh well. The mall was closed anyway, wherever it was. Back to the highway!

Soon we were passing through Gary again, only we took the ugly side this time. The car filled with the heavy odor of gasoline and sulfur as we passed miles of horrific smokestacks. A billboard admonished residents of Gary to “Stop Bringing Guns to Chicago!” Yeah! Quit that! The rest of the billboards were for strip joints and casinos. It was so fucking depressing. The toll road into Gary will cost you just fifteen cents. The smell was like Tacoma, WA, but ten times worse. I could still taste petrol in my mouth as we left the town behind us.

We took Lake Shore Drive for miles as the sun went down. Million-dollar apartments face a serene and beachless lake. But I won’t deny Chicago’s beauty, though people I know who have left it have said it’s a mean place to live. I think it just depends on the person. My brother didn’t like it much at all, and I don’t even think he lived in Chicago proper.

We went to Woody’s for dinner — I had some barbecued chicken wings, coleslaw, potato salad, bread. It was extremely awesome and cost $7 for a giant plate of food. Brian’s friend Dave called that overpriced. Everything’s cheaper in the Midwest. Our gas in Kalamazoo was $1.49 a gallon. Brian’s mom’s large 3-bedroom apartment was valued at $580/month. Sigh.

Finally we went back to the suburban Holiday Inn hotel to spend our only night alone. We watched Adult Swim on the Cartoon Network (aww yeah) and went to sleep in peace and quiet. ZZzzzzZZZZzzzz.

Yesterday we came home. I got a window seat on the plane and looked out frequently at the land below, etched just like a quilt made of remnants over the plains states. The desert was covered by swirly patterns and thin straight roads like string. The mountains were set in white-brown relief, all detail reduced to snow and earth, nothing in between. Another airplane passed us going the other direction, maybe 200 yards away, close enough to read its tail. Watching it rocket past reminded me of how fast I, too, was going.

The water in the southernmost edge of the SF Bay is as red as blood. It looks like desert clay. I don’t want to know why.

It was soooo nice to be back home. We spent the rest of the day being lazy on the couch, drinking water, watching “Trading Spaces” on TLC, napping, blah blah. I made a good meal of salmon and broccolini to balance out for the three days of restaurant food and grease. We watched Bob Roberts on DVD. We passed out in bed without clothes on, under one sheet, in my warm room. My body still doesn’t know what time it is yet.

THE END