In the middle of the night I applied lip balm to the inside of my nostrils so that they wouldn’t dry out and bleed. I have a cold.

I think it is time for some more hard words.

duende
condign
bosky
pomander
clew
farraginous
adventitious
soupcon

Why am I so grumpy today? And not just today. Maybe it’s seasonal affective disorder. The darkness that comes so early and stays so long, the rain and clouds, the cold. Maybe it’s just the spiritual funk I have been in since that fucking book poisoned me.

Right now I am reading this book, (and after will read its predecessor) and am finding it to be quite interesting. I need to learn to meditate. My roommate is actually taking a meditation class. I think for now what I need more than anything is a way that I can make my mind still and silent and peaceful. That is what my problem is lately. Over-thinking life. Instead of flowing along and enjoying it and loving it. Right now my life has so much to be happy about. Why can’t I be still with that?

I do think winter is playing a part. And the holidays, which always create so much stress for seemingly no reason.

And the human heart seems to love to find ways to disrupt its own calm. Do we live for drama? I don’t think I do… I hope not. Perhaps I should read Kundera again.