Better today, but not totally. Working on it… being very proactive about taking care of myself. Depression is hard, but I know the way out.
Tonight I am going to be as active as I can. I have lots of housework to catch up on, drawing to do, some yoga practice. Mainly the drawing, which to me is very meditative.
My mom sent me a box of childhood memorabilia last night, ranging from a “report” on horses done in fourth grade, to a variety of fictional stories about animals, to a large sheaf of letters and notes passed in my senior year of high school. They are at turns entertaining and embarrassing. But it truly is wonderful to see my old friends’ handwriting again, especially that of Dawn Benish, who I lost to distance soon after moving to the Bay Area. Undoubtably her name has changed, or she may have even left the country. That would be just like her.
One of my other high school pals is a friend right here in LJ, thanks to the miracle of Friendster. Another is also on Friendster, but I haven’t messaged him. Maybe I will. Maybe not. Friendster really sucks.
Last night it occured to me that one trigger for my depression might be that I have for awhile felt as though I have lost completely my creative impulse. That I am bored and boring, and doing nothing to get back to where I once belonged. Well, this can all be easily rectified — but only by me.
I bet most of my current friends don’t even know how much I love to draw.
I always wondered, was there some sort of fall out with the Punk Planet people or did you just grow tired of it? That’s how I initially found jane.org and then followed you here.
i love your drawrings!
when we used to do our zines, i remember you doing these little cartoons, pictures of punk rockers and horses, and i remember being so jealous of how easy you made it look and your proportions were just right. i am not naturally talented at drawing like you are. i always thought you should continue with it, but you went mostly with your writing, and that was good too.
i know how you feel about feeling like you’re losing that creative impulse. it’s the full-time job, man! i was 28 before i had one and that is when most of my art supplies started collecting dust and since then the extent of my creativity is my website.
this is part of the reason i’m going back to school. school inspired me. you’ll do some stuff. angst can be a serious motivator.. and i will cheer you on the whole way 😀