I’ve been so lazy. Not even too busy to write, but too lazy. I partially blame the extreme discomfort of sitting that disinclines me to type. Also most of you don’t know this, but I am a TERRIBLE typist. Luckily my penchant for editing and spelling disguises this handicap nicely.
So yah. I should be writing. Haha I always say that! It always works. Oooh but whatever shall I write about? I feel like there is nothing to say, but I know that isn’t so.
Let’s just have fun with a writing exercise then, shall we? What would I do if I could quit this job and no longer have to fucking SIT on my ASS all day in a chair? Well! I’ll tell you what I would do. I would exercise for at least an hour every morning. I would read at the library. I would ride my bike, I would take classes. My day would be chopped up into wee segments where I was sitting a little, then walking or standing or kneeling on the floor. I would be active, in motion, not locked into a stupid office pose for hours and hours at a time.
You can see how this ongoing pain is really starting to affect everything in my life. It really is. It has caused depression too. I often fantasize about quitting my job just to get away from my cube. Then I get depressed because that is simply not possible. My right hip/back hurts so much now it feels like there is a hot iron pressed against it, and not in a good way. But for some reason I can’t just stand up and say I’m leaving. My work environment makes me feel guilty for leaving early, like oh, I am such a slacker. So I suffer. FUCK it hurts so bad right now. Right now!
You guys I really, really want to write about something other than my back pain. You have no idea how much I want this to be over and be normal again and not be thinking about it constantly.
What can I do to change my life in such a way that this stops completely? I don’t know. And it sucks that absolutely no one understands what I am going through.
i do. and i’m sorry you’re going through it. i know it’s maddening because you can feel where it’s wrong, and it’s frustrating not to be able to just make it stop. if you drop an anvil on your foot, you see the cause, you can lift the anvil up, you know it will stop hurting. but the kind of pain you have, you don’t see the obvious cause, you have yet to find what works to make it stop, and you don’t know how long it will last. 100% suck.
i remember feeling so desperate and depressed about it that i started to think that if the rest of my life would be spent in this much pain, then i’d rather not live. it was that bad.
i think what finally broke the pattern was going to a chiropractor. i went for a few months. it wasn’t what i expected, and i am sure it doesn’t work for everyone. it takes a good long while to undo what has taken so long to go awry – i know you know this :>
i still get muscle spasms sometimes, but they don’t stay, and they don’t make me cry anymore. i don’t know what will make a difference for you, but i know that it can get better. don’t give up. don’t let the bastards get you down.
pain in the ass
Are you on any antiinflammatories, like Celebrex, vioxx, Bextra or Lodine (Etodolac). Or muscle relaxants? It sounds like you should be, but its not something that PT’s can prescribe, its needs to be a Doc. Love, Mom
janey jane…
you are so utterly talented and creative that i have no doubt you could make a living off of freelance writing, which you could break up into the segments you’re talking about.
you should really investigate taking that step, or at least taking a tiny step in that direction if it makes you feel more secure.
if you know that sitting at your computer all day is not going to make you feel better, then you’re obviously not going to be able to put your best into a job that doesn’t take “you” into account.
just do it. try some freelance stuff on the side and see where it takes you… couldn’t hurt and it could get you where you need to be.
> My day would be chopped up into wee segments
I read this as “My dad would be chopped up into wee segments” and I was all HUH, that is some serious job dissatisfaction.