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what not to name your baby, if you care about them

January 20, 2005 by Jane

Top 10 U.S. Girl Names 2004

Emma (baby spice! #1!!)
Madison (just like in “Splash” how COOL)
Emily (knocked out of the #1 spot, aw)
Kaitlyn (this is still a made-up name)
Hailey (eminem’s kid!)
Olivia (my favorite of the bunch, wink)
Isabella (queen o’ spain)
Hannah (sooo played)
Sarah (the bible an shit)
Abigail (van buren!)

Top 10 U.S. Boy Names 2004

Jacob (the bible an shit)
Aidan (Carrie on Sex & the City broke his heart)
Ethan (hawke!)
Ryan (FROM THE O.C.????!?)
Matthew (tha bible)
Michael (in the top 10 since 1835)
Tyler (not Taylor!)
Joshua (zzzzz bible)
Nicholas (wow, Nick in the top 10! it’s cyclical)
Connor (I prefer Conor, myself)

Note: I have nothing personally against any of these names. except “Kaitlyn,” that is fucking wack. I just don’t understand why people want their kid to have to grow up and go to school with ten other kids who share their same first name.

Guess it could be worse — the 80s, the decade of Tiffany and Alexis and Brittany. Or the 70s: Lisas, Jennifers, Heathers…

Or we could live in the first half of the 20th century, when the top ten list rotated through the same names for literally 50 years. Mary, Elizabeth, Helen, Robert, Thomas, Joseph, etc…

I like those “old-fashioned” names though, and they’ll come back, too, I bet.

In spite of the name I answer to, my real first name is actually fairly unusual. So I don’t know what’s worse, having a name no one can say, spell, or remember, or having the same name as 20% of your class. Hmm. It’s a puzzler! Anyway. Bedtime.

PS: The girl with the most unusual name in my school when I was growing up was called Xandria. She had long, straight, perfect red hair. Girls would fight over who got to braid it.

Posted in Uncategorized | 12 Comments

12 Responses

  1. on January 21, 2005 at 1:30 pm blue_mirage21

    If Mike and I have kids, they will probably be named Octavian (boy) and Diana (girl). Mike has this thing about wanting to name a son Octavian…I dunno what it is but it has our parents freaked out lol. Hm…what nickname for Octavian, Tavy? I’ve always loved the name Diana and you don’t see it much anymore, which is nice.

    I swear American is building their own royalty…our movie/music/tv stars are naming their kids such weird things that it seems like their children and “too important” to have regular names (which, is good, because normal is boring and having everyone named the same thing is a bit weird). But things like Apple? heh.


    • on January 22, 2005 at 12:32 am janechurch

      I kind of like the name Apple! There are so many names for flowers and herbs and plants (Rose, Lily, Heather, Fern, Ginger, Poppy, Violet, etc), why not fruit, too?

      I think people get used to “unusual” names pretty quickly though. There are big celebrities with names like Fairuza and Thora and Mena — back in the olden days the movie studios would surely have forced these women to change their names to be more “normal.” They did that to almost everyone back then.


      • on January 22, 2005 at 3:50 am onmytiptoes

        Oh, I love “Poppy”. It sounds so cheerful.


  2. on January 21, 2005 at 1:33 pm ucakid

    I just told Andie the other day – I went to grade and high school with a Greek girl named Panagiota Bouboulis. (It was pronounced Penny-ota). I always felt bad for her.


    • on January 21, 2005 at 4:04 pm janechurch

      My high school had a student named Feletsa Polychronopolous. She was actually pretty popular.


  3. on January 21, 2005 at 1:49 pm andieflynn

    I’m glad that any names I’ve always had in mind for future possible children are not on that list. All family names. Well, one that I’ve always loved though, Emma, got popular these last few years. Wah.

    I can’t STAND the name Madison. It’s so, so… And Connor is SO overdone.


  4. on January 21, 2005 at 3:32 pm noodle_noodle

    I am a big believer in the unusual name. But to me, it should be a real name, not a madeup word that other people think is a name. One of my daughters is in school with a boy whose name is “Brook Trout H____” – he goes by Trout. I wonder if they think Trout is better than Brook because Brook is a girl’s name, which begs the question of why they named him that in the first place.


    • on January 21, 2005 at 4:05 pm janechurch

      Yeah, why not Brock? I had a friend in school with that name. B-rock. Heh.

      Trout? Hm.


  5. on January 21, 2005 at 4:13 pm aliki

    I’m one of those people who manages to simultaneously abhor the kitchy overly popular names like Madison, Taylor and Ashley, while frowning upon overly unique, unprouncable names that contain unusual insertions of the letter “y” (eg. Mychael, Krysten).

    Um, to encourage you to bore your eyes out and wail at the demise of sensible names, I present:
    http://www.notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/bestof.html

    Feel free to look through the rest of the site to discover names like Fainne Tanith, Kaytaquana,
    Alliwen, Kiarne Rhukaya, Xev Chiana Louise, and Jaslera. And that was just page 5.


  6. on January 21, 2005 at 4:44 pm ucakid

    My mom’s name was Lois…a name that has about died….but I kind of like it in the classy sense. Maybe if I change it to Leauous it’ll come back, hmm.


  7. on January 21, 2005 at 5:10 pm itsolivia

    wink

    man, any name like Kaitlyn or Ashliegh reminds me of Ralph Lauren Polo.

    my first boy crush was a boy named Django.

    I am really hoping for old fashioned names to come roaring back.

    Myrna….Sophie….


    • on January 21, 2005 at 6:03 pm janechurch

      Re: wink

      Minnie! Short for Minerva.

      I also like French names like Emmanuelle and Hugo.



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