I have been wearing the same $65 Swatch watch for like nine years now. I like it. It is now on its third battery. Nice work, Swatch!

I love my watch, but I think it’s time for a second one. Maybe something different, more dressy, a different color, etc. I think I might get a stainless steel one from Coach that has a rectangular face and blue hands. I have a 25% off coupon I can use next week, I may just go for it then.

Or…

I was thinking, why not get this Cartier diamond watch instead? Amazon is selling this one for only $225,000 — 19% off retail! And just check out these glowing reviews!

“I think that the price quoted here is wrong. I got this watch last year in China for $22.50.”

“I recently came into some money and I was going to set up a fund to ameloriate world hunger, focusing primarily on Africa. I was also going to build a few schools in Cambodia. But then I saw this watch. Oh well.”

“I took this watch home (delivered to work), and I laid it down on my rose petal-covered bed and made sweet, sweet love to it. After that, curled up on it, and went to sleep. I woke up in the morning, and it had gone out to forage for food…it came back and fried up a mess of game with quail eggs, and greeted me with a tender kiss as I yawned groggily. I smiled and caressed it’s hand (the minute hand). Someone told me that money can’t buy happiness, but my watch would disagree. My watch fights most of my battles for me now, and recently went out and stabbed my ex in the neck with a novelty letter opener. I love you, $1/4Million watch.”

“I usually don’t slum around with low priced watches like this, but I thought I’d purchase it as a gag gift for my wife. I know, I could’ve donated that money to a charity and fed a bunch of starving kids, but what fun would that have been? And cancer research is just soooooo 1990’s, that I’d just as soon give the money to greedy orphans.

I do admit that it looks FAHbulous on my wife’s wrist, but after wearing it for a few days, she wanted something a bit more high class. I was going to give it to the maid, but when I found out she would sell it to pay for her 5 year old son’s operation, I realized she just didn’t have the proper upbringing to appreciate such a fine watch. “Necessary surgery” indeed. I think it’s sitting in a closet somewhere now.”