Today I randomly remembered the first man I ever had a crush on. And by that I mean, a man, not a boy, not a famous singer or actor I would never meet, but a real man who I knew and talked to. I was, of course, 10 years old.

His name was Tex. Well, who knows what his real name was. But we all called him that. I was at summer camp, and he worked with the ponies and horses we rode. He wore a black t-shirt and a black cowboy hat. He had short, dark hair and a five-o’clock-shadow. He spoke with a funny drawl I had never heard before. I WANTED him. Too bad he was something like 19 or 21, probably. He was just a camp counselor.

All the girls wanted him. I wonder whatever happened to Tex. He smelled good, too. The end.

* * *

I have discovered an easy way to shed unwanted pounds. It’s called “have your gall bladder removed.” I was weighed at the doctor’s a few days before my surgery, and weighed myself again yesterday. I’ve lost seven pounds. This is awesome.

Contributing factors include: loss of appetite, eating smaller portions, avoiding greasy fatty food, and having to use laxatives as a result of a side effect of percoset.

If I can lose another five this month I am going to be thrilled. As long as it comes off my thighs and not my waist because I don’t want to have to get my pants taken in, dammit.

But I’m off the drugs and my appetite has returned, so it may not be so easy.