the snowy day

February 24, 2011 by Jane

Brian flew home from San Francisco last night. At the time, moderate snowfall was predicted for our area but as usually happens in the Pacific Northwest, nothing materialized except a half-inch of nothin’. So he arrived home safely and on time, and Freya was so happy. At one point she was just sitting on the floor staring at him, a huge grin on her face. Kona did her usual Total Freak Out that she does whenever he returns from a trip.

While he was away, we went to Goodwill with Christina and Evan and found a few awesome cheap toys and books, in particular a pair of plastic maracas and a tiny tambourine. I love giving her little musical instruments to play with. We are totally starting a band.

We found three books for 79 cents each, and last night I offhandedly asked Freya to show Daddy her new books, and she went over to the pile of assorted toys and books on the floor, and one by one brought over the new ones we got on Tuesday. Wow, we said. Did she really understand what I said? It’s hard to tell, but this happens fairly regularly, where she will seem to get what I am saying.

For example, last night during her dinner, she was craning her neck to see the TV because Wheel of Fortune was on, though I wasn’t watching it. I asked Freya, “what comes on after Wheel of Fortune?” She replied with the usual sound and dance she does when we tell her it’s time to watch Jeopardy!, her favorite show. Huh. Also she has started trying to sing the theme from Jeopardy!, the only real reason she likes the show anyway. She sings the first three notes, “doo doo doo” along with a side-to-side hip sway that is her Final Jeopardy! dance. Har.

It’s so cliched to talk about how very smart my baby is, so let’s move on.

Food: she is starting to move beyond her texture-phobia, and will now eat small pieces of cheese, buttered wheat toast, cereal, and soft fruits. She has also eaten brown rice with cheese, and yesterday at the supermarket she sampled some salmon with me. I was super proud of her for that one. We’re progressing slowly but surely. I think going at her pace means she’s more likely to have a variegated palate. She still primarily does eat purees and yogurts and of course mommy’s milk, but I make sure she eats something that must be chewed every day.

Toys and books: She’s starting to be fond of dress-up, in that she will wear her plastic bangle and plastic necklace around the room, and the other day put on her sunhat by herself and wore it for a little while. Other than that takes no interest in what she’s wearing, that I can see. She looooves her books and can identify them all by name, so if we’re on the couch and I ask her to go get I Am A Bunny or The Very Hungry Caterpillar, she always finds the right one. She’s also really into her play food, kicking balls around the room, and trying to play fetch with Kona, who always gets a bit too enthusiastic about it.

Sleeping: Still not sleeping through the night, which is not something I have tried to force into her like most American parents do. She wakes a few times to nurse very briefly. I think she’s in a growth spurt because she’s been having some heavy dream activity, resulting in some fussiness when she wakes, and also grabbing at her legs/ankles. Growing taller hurts, poor baby.

I’d like to take her out to see the snow, but it’s so pathetic, less than an inch, and it’s bitter cold outside. I’m thinking wait until post-nap. We talk about spring and summer a lot. I tell her how we won’t have to bundle up anymore, how we will be able to play in the park for longer, and so on.

My iPod got here on Tuesday and I LOOOOVE it. It’s like a sleek beautiful slab of black glass… I named it “Iris.” Yes, Iris the iPod. To go along with Katie the Kindle. It’s so sweet. The first time I have ever had a music player that fit ALL my music with plenty of room leftover for more. Plus it has a camera, video, apps, all that jazz. Basically everything except a phone. Did I mention I love it? I do.

I think that’s everything. It’s been a week since I updated. Oh, I finally made chocolate covered pretzel sticks. They are like Pocky, except with salt and homemade. They are yummy. I also soaked some chickpeas after procrastinating for days on end. They are great in a Greek salad, and of course, much better than canned!

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hard boiled

February 18, 2011 by Jane

+ boiling a half-dozen eggs right now. Some for tomorrow’s breakfast (in the style of a European inn), some for when I need quick protein in the morning.

+ this morning I bought Radiohead’s new album. They are one of my top five all time musical artists. Interested to see what kind of evolutionary direction they have moved into this time around. I thought In Rainbows was a masterpiece and I never tire of listening to it. That goes for Ok Computer, too.

+ Yesterday at the grocery store I saw a young man who was missing his right ear. There was a little bit of something remaining, just a bumpy fold of flesh. I felt like a weirdo for staring. But, you know, that “book” I’m “writing” features a similar protagonist, so I couldn’t help being fascinated to see this in person. I wondered what happened to him.

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practically foolproof chicken

February 17, 2011 by Jane

Roasting whole chickens is easy and economical, but can be a mess and kinda gross. The next best thing, in my experience, is buying the value pack of whole split breasts, with skin and bones. It’s much more flavorful and cheaper than the boneless skinless breasts. Anyway, I’ve been doing this lately:

Place the chicken into a lightly oiled roasting pan, breast facing up. Make a flavored butter or oil in a little dish, you can add dried tarragon or fresh thyme or lemon zest or curry or whatever, plus salt and pepper. Rub that all over the chicken breast. Add some chopped root veggies (tossed in olive oil) to the pan, like carrots, potatoes, whathaveyou, and some rough-chopped onions.

Roast at 400 degrees for 30 minutes, then turn the oven down to 350 and roast another 30 minutes. Remove from oven, let it rest for 5-10 minutes. Then carve it up. Yum.

If you make a lot (my roasting pan holds three big split bone-in breasts), then you can use the leftovers for sandwiches or chicken salad. Trust me, it’s awesome the next day. The end.

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second wind

February 16, 2011 by Jane

Freya decided not to nap today. I guess that’s why she went to sleep at 8:15 tonight, much earlier than usual for our little night-owl. Today I nursed her to sleep at 12:15, but she woke up five minutes later and I spent the next 45 minutes trying to get her back to sleep, to no avail. Yes, tears were shed. Until you are a parent you don’t know the utter frustration of trying to rock a heavy baby to sleep for a half-hour. Ouch my shoulder. Anyway.

So by three I had basically given up, in spite of saying to my daughter a couple hours earlier “I will not give up!” Ha. Instead we just hung out and listened to music and I gave her various snacks in her high chair while I cleaned up the kitchen and started dinner. At around 6:00, the whole family went outside in the blue twilight to look at the moon, which had risen above the trees and was hanging there in the sky like a spotlight, occasionally veiled by clouds. We went to the soccer field across the road. Freya looked up, exclaiming “Muhhh!!!” and pointing and waving. A flock of ducks circled above the field, quacking.

Back home, I made dinner: stuffed bell peppers and green salad. Baby didn’t seem that tired. We all watched Jeopardy! after eating. Finally, I nursed Freya at 8:00 and she was out fairly quickly. And here I am at my desk twenty minutes later, enjoying a bowl of homemade ice cream, and working on the music restoration project. If only every night was like this. But I know she will wake up in an hour or so and I’ll bring her the mama’s milk that sends her back to sleepytown.

Oh yeah. Here’s something insane. So I’ve been selling some of my old fancy accessories lately. I just sold two of my Louis Vuitton patent leather coin purses. I used the earnings to buy a new 32GB iPod touch today. And still had money left over. A coin purse turned into a sleek new iPod. That is bananas. Also, wow those things really hold on to their value. Unlike, say, iPods… my very first iPod is probably worth about $5. That’s one dollar per gigabyte!

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french vanilla

February 15, 2011 by Jane

That’s how former baseball player Jeff Kent once derisively described his former team’s uniforms, after he had left the Giants to play for the Astros, then the hated Dodgers. I don’t know what made me just think of that, except that I was going to write about the ice cream I made today, which could best be described as French vanilla bean with bing cherries. It was amazing. My first custard ice cream. Which also enlightened me as to the reason they call it “French” vanilla — it’s made with eggs, a vanilla custard, much like creme brulee.

But anyway. Back to baseball. Pitchers and catchers reported to spring training yesterday. All winter long I’ve waited for this. All winter long I have paused on occasion to remember that wow, yeah, my team DID win the World Series. It actually happened. They didn’t blow it in game six again. It wasn’t just a dream. The Giants are the champs. Yay! My mere eleven years of fandom paid off. A shame it didn’t happen when I actually lived there.

The thing I have been obsessing over the past two days is the realization that when Brian replaced my faulty hard drive months ago, he didn’t back up any of my music. So basically my iTunes library was gone. I’ve been putting a few pieces back together — my CD album filled with discs that I saved, thank god for lossless media. Brian’s music library, which contained a lot of my stuff he had copied from my computer in the past. And my iPod, which held 630 songs (“the lifeboat”). But a lot is just gone. Trying to recover through friends who might own the same albums, then Brian will go looking for free sources online. Sigh. Always back everything up, at least once a month. This totally could have been avoided.

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eine kleine nachtweaning

February 10, 2011 by Jane

Oh poor Freya boo. She wakes up in the night, wants to nurse, points at my chest with her finger and cries out pitifully, “naaah? naahhh??” while kicking her legs and becoming ever more frustrated as I rub her back and soothe her as gently as I can. You aren’t a newborn, honey. You don’t need milk four times a night anymore. But she doesn’t calm, and it assures me that she’s not really totally ready to night wean yet. So before she launches into a full-on crying jag, I pop her onto my boob and she shuts right down, as quiet and sleepy as can be. SIGH.

Many of the other AP mothers I know haven’t been able to night wean until 18 months though, so we still have a couple months to go. Sometimes I find that I can indeed get her back to sleep with a back rub. Lately I have been trying that first, but she isn’t ready. I don’t want to turn things into a battle, especially at 4 in the morning, especially over something as important to us as nursing. I don’t believe in forced weaning. So I have to just wait until she is ready, while hopefully giving her all the tools she needs to fall asleep without her milk: Mommy’s voice, a gentle back rub, and so on. As far as total weaning, I know she probably won’t be ready for that for another year, but I don’t mind. Breastfeeding her has never bothered me. But I do know that she can get by without it at night. She just doesn’t quite know that yet.

Anyway. Today’s agenda includes taking Freya for a stroll in the jogger. Will I actually run? Doubtful. But I will walk quickly!

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flowers and rocks

February 9, 2011 by Jane

I took Freya for a little walk before lunchtime today. We went down our street to the play field, which is usually filled with screaming soccer or lacrosse playing children on the weekends.

Once we were a good distance into the large field, I set Freya down and we walked around together for a while, her holding my hand. Then I let her walk herself. She followed me like a little duckling. She bent down to pick up tiny dead leaves, blades of grass, rocks, and a single miniature daisy. I was glad I didn’t put her in a hat, so that she could feel the breeze ruffling her hair.

She certainly enjoyed herself. Every time she saw a school bus pass on the road, she waved at it. She walked around in circles and I had to chase her to make sure she didn’t wander into the blackberry brambles on the edge of the field. But I liked letting her go free like this. It boosts her confidence and gives her the desire to explore the world. No, she will not wear a leash.

Too soon, it was time to go home. Freya really did NOT want to go yet. I had to carry her part of the way to our street. I promised that after her nap we would go play at the park with Evan. I set her down next to a rock bed and let her pick one out. That didn’t really sate her; she wanted to keep playing outside in the sun. By the time we got in the house she was nearly full-on crying. But it was lunch time.

I meant to give her a bowl of puree or a banana or something like that for lunch, but she was all upset and went directly to her boppy on the couch. I figured we would nurse, then have a snack. But she fell asleep there on my lap. So I took her up to bed, and she’s sleeping like the little angel she is. Maybe now I can work on Valentine cards?

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goodbye, roxbury drive

February 5, 2011 by Jane

Sold my candy apple red Roxbury Drive bag last night, and shipped it to its new home this morning. Sigh. I miss it a bit, even though it just sat in my closet ever since we moved into this house. So shiny. So pretty. But so useless for me right now. I don’t go out to fancy restaurants or cocktail bars any more, why would I need a flashy patent leather evening bag… At least I have photos to remember it by.

Onward!! With the chunk of cash the Roxbury fetched, I will be able to buy Freya her nice hardwood maple twin bed frame, as well as the guardrail for the side. Mattress will be extra of course but we’ve got plenty of time for that. I vacillated between a twin or a full bed and eventually landed on a twin because a) it frees up more space in the bedroom, b) bedding is cheaper, c) I grew up with a twin bed and it was fine for me. Edit: So I decided on the full bed, finally. Heh. There will be less space, but it’s still a big room, and the house has plenty of room for her to play, too. Twin bedding is cheaper, but we actually can get away with queen sheets on a full bed, which we already have, plus we already have a down duvet that will fit. I grew up with a twin bed, but I bet I would have been happy with a full sized bed too, which I didn’t even get to experience until I was, um, 25 years old.

But a big reason for the full bed is that we co-sleep now, and the transition from our bed to her own bed will definitely include many nights spent with me in her bedroom with her. Which would be a pain in a twin, let’s face it. So there’s that. And also when Freya is older, she can have her little friends sleep over in her bed with her instead of on the floor or something. And finally, when she is *snif* grown up, she will be able to take this bed with her wherever she goes. Another reason to buy one that is sturdy and strong. OK THEN.

It’s rather funny how a handbag buys a bed. I still remember when I bought that Roxbury, how I drooled over its glossy finish and impeccable craftsmanship. Was it an “investment”? Maybe. In the end, I didn’t lose that much money on it. Back then I wouldn’t have imagined that it would someday be traded for a child’s bed frame. Back then we were beginning to figure out that getting pregnant would not be an easy task. I avoided planning for baby things, thinking I would just end up disappointed month after month. Why not instead blow my disposable income on beautiful and impractical objects?

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snugglebug

February 4, 2011 by Jane

Freya is deep in the throes of teething this week. I believe it’s more molars. Last night she had another low fever, wanted to nurse constantly, and when she woke up fussing and crying, it was with her fingers jammed into her mouth. Poor baby.

When I do get her back to sleep, she snuggles so close to me, caresses my arm, rests her feet on my legs, basically sticks to me like velcro. And I love it. I love these cuddly times with her. I am trying to appreciate them as much as I can, because they won’t last much longer (relatively). In a year or so, she will likely be in her own bed. Of course I expect she will join us whenever she wants to, but it won’t be like co-sleeping with a baby anymore.

She’s in bed with Brian now, while I get a little time to type. I already prepared my wet and dry ingredients for pumpkin pancakes. They just need to be combined and cooked up. And yes there will be bacon.

This morning I am also going to get a one-hour massage. This was a gift from Brian for Mother’s Day last year, which I have finally gotten around to redeeming. He also bought me six yoga classes, which I REALLY want to do. I miss doing yoga! But that will also take more juggling of time and so on.

I don’t really relish the opportunity to be away from Freya. I love being with her and she is moving into a period of even more intense “mommy-need” than ever. Sometimes I go upstairs, leaving her with Brian, and I hear her little voice, “Mama. Mama. Mama.” And I feel bad for Brian, I hope he isn’t taking it personally.

Right now I can only really bear no more than two hours away from my baby. That is my limit. And I must be close by, a quick drive away. And I don’t spend time away from her often, maybe a couple of times a month. I think this is normal. This is part of being well-attached.

But I can already tell she is gaining confidence in herself. When we went to the waterfront to look at birds a couple days ago, she was more than happy to toddle quickly away from me to get a better view of the ducks. Usually she holds tightly to my hand but a few times she tried to pull it away. But she’s not yet coordinated enough to roam around for long by herself, so I must still be her shadow, and pick her up when she falls down.

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february

February 2, 2011 by Jane

So Freya went through this phase in January where she would stay up til almost 11pm at night. We never figured out what the deal was — we kept to our usual routine of dimming lights and volume after 8pm, reading her books downstairs, and then trying to nurse her down or slow-dance her to sleep in my arms. And nothing was working. It was frustrating. Tried waking her up at different times in the morning, too.

It seems to have passed. Last night she fell asleep on my lap at 9. I was rather surprised. But she had been fussing and grabbing at my pantlegs, and when I picked her up, pointed at my collarbone (which means “I want to nurse!”). I didn’t expect it would knock her out so fast. So I carried her up to bed and then I got to read for a while before going to sleep myself.

Yesterday was a big day, though. It was sunny and cold. In the morning, she kept going to the back door and pointing outside. I felt like it was too cold for a walk, but I decided to bundle her up and take her outside for some fresh air anyway. I set her down on our front sidewalk and took her mittened hand, and we started to walk. And walk. As we got further from the house, I decided she was probably ready for her first walk around the block, so away we went. She was thrilled. I picked her up and carried her a couple times at her request (walking is tiring on a baby!), but we made it all the way around and she had a blast. I love these times when she feels a teensy bit more “independent” (at her own pace of course). It fills a child with confidence.

Later on in the afternoon, post-nap, we took a long walk in the stroller down to the park, where we met up with Christina and her 2-year-old, Evan. We played there for a while, then strolled home, so a total distance of three miles. Freya really misses seeing the moon. I heard her little voice saying “mmmuh” as she peered up at the empty blue sky. I should figure out when and where it’s rising today so we can try to be outside for it.

Yesterday I also spent a great deal of time thinking about my book. So much so that I longed for a couple of uninterrupted hours to write. But it’s just not possible right now… I could get away with thirty minutes, maybe, enough time to jot down the ideas I had yesterday while walking. And no I couldn’t dictate things into my phone, either. I’m far too self-conscious about my voice for that.

Maybe during Freya’s nap today I’ll have time to write stuff down before I forget it.

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