zojirushi

Using our new rice cooker for the first time tonight. I’m making two cups (dry) of brown rice. So far it’s been in there for an hour and twenty minutes. At least it’s steaming now!

When the rice is done, the cooker plays “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.” It wouldn’t be Japanese if there wasn’t something kawaii desu about it.

Freya wants it to snow

We were promised a cold and snowy winter. That really hasn’t materialized, though I never thought we’d ever have a Michigan-style winter or anything. But, it has snowed a couple of times. The last time, many inches accumulated in the evening and overnight but it had already started to melt by morning and was messy slush by midday.

Freya loves it. She loved to watch it fall, and loved it when I carried her around outside and let her take a few steps in the backyard in the snow.

Yesterday she got a new book called “I am a Bunny.” It is awesome. Just a simple board book, with beautiful illustrations, about a cute little bunny and what he likes to do during every season. On the second to last page, winter arrives, and a big beautiful snowscape is depicted.

“Snow!” I say to Freya. She makes her happy excited sound, and looks up at the back door windows, pointing. “No, it’s not snowing now.”

She gets herself up off my lap and toddles over to the window. “Nah?” she says hopefully, peering into the backyard, where she remembers seeing snow falling weeks ago.

“I’m sorry, baby. It will snow again someday, promise.”

She goes and opens the book again to the snow page and points happily at the picture.

Freya knows and remembers so much more than we even realize.

zzzz

Good morning. Night owl baby was up until 11 last night. We’ve just been following her cues (trying to), keeping the room dim and quiet, reading books, letting her wander around but discouraging pulling out more toys. I think around 10:30 she was sitting on the floor playing with her wooden box with the holes in it, where you poke balls through with a wooden gavel. She likes that game. And yesterday she may have mastered the zipper on her fabric bag. Anyway. Close to 11 I finally picked her up and carried her around, she lay her head on my shoulder, so I knew she was close. But man oh man was I tired as hell. I almost fell asleep on the couch myself while Brian was reading her new (favorite) book, “I am a Bunny.”

So of course here it is almost 8am and she remains asleep. Not for long. I’m going to try pushing up her wake-up time in an effort to get her to be sleepier at night. Wish me luck.

This pattern seems like it’s only been going on a couple weeks, and I don’t know what triggered it. I know there was a point in December and earlier when I was getting her down around 9 without much of a struggle, and then I would happily read in bed beside her for an hour. I miss that. Wonder what happened?

scratch

Today while Freya napped I made a large pot of chicken stock from a whole carcass, carrots, celery, onion, and peppercorns, which in the end totaled seven pint jars. I also made a batch of sweet potato pear puree for Freya, which filled two ice cube trays, along with one portion for tonight’s supper (she loved it). Then later I made dinner: pork chops and dijon sauce, boiled new potatoes with herbs, and a simple green salad with homemade vinaigrette.

I really like cooking and since I’ve become a full time mother, I have tried to do more from scratch than ever, to the point where I wonder why anyone ever buys applesauce pre-made, considering it’s one of the easiest things to make. That goes for salad dressing, too. That never needs to be purchased from a store shelf, either. Barbecue sauce? So easy to make. By making these things from scratch, you also eliminate the chance of high fructose corn syrup and other artificial ingredients sneaking in. It’s also cheaper. The reasons go on and on.

It’s annoying that whenever I read an article about HFCS, inevitably there’s someone claiming that it’s hard to avoid because it’s in “everything.” Well, if all you eat is processed crap from a can, jar, or box, then I guess yeah, it is in everything. But actually, high fructose corn syrup is really very easy to avoid. Shop around the outside border of your supermarket, where you find produce, raw meat, and dairy. Shop in the bulk food section for as many things as possible, especially stuff like rice, dried beans, cereals like whole oats, etc. Read labels. DO NOT drink sweetened sodas, drinks, juices of any kind. Eat plain or organic yogurt.

This summer I want to try my hand at canning. I’ll keep it simple, maybe start with tomato sauce, pickles, and salsa. In the fall, apple compote or jam. What I have done so far in small batches (chicken stock, applesauce) has motivated me to make even more of my staples instead of buying from the grocery aisle.

Okay Freya needs me, she’s pulling on my robe! G’night.

I read a blog this morning by another mother I know online — in it she mentioned that she knows a woman who forces her 16-month-old son to “cry it out” (CIO) at night, closing the door at 7pm and opening it again 12 hours later, because she needs her “mommy time.” So she is only a parent for 12 hours out of the day.

This kind of shit enrages me. I kind of want to find this “mother” and punch her in the neck.

Apparently, she watches all of this on a video monitor as well, proving that she possesses no heart whatsoever, and possibly no soul. One time, the poor little boy removed his own diaper in a plea for help, she did nothing and arrived in the morning to a crib soaked with pee. HOW is this not child abuse? How does she get to keep this baby and continue to torture him every night? I am dead serious, she should be arrested for this. But of course, it’s all perfectly legal!

But she’ll pay for it eventually. When she becomes alienated from her son and can’t figure out why. When god forbid he turns to drugs or alcohol because he has never learned how to feel good about himself. When he can’t form good relationships with people because he has no foundation of trust and love to build upon. When he internalizes his resentment of his mother (and vice versa) and takes it out on other women in his life. When, worst of all (and this definitely can happen to babies who are forced to scream and panic for hours), he develops a mental illness because his developing brain chemistry was fucking destroyed in infancy by endless nightly floods of cortisol (the flight-or-fight hormone).

God I wish there was something I could do, that anyone like me could do, for these poor helpless babies who are left to suffer, to learn that they aren’t valued, to learn that they can’t count on their parents to care for their emotional needs when they are so little and so vulnerable.

All I can do I guess, besides typing this out, is continue to bond to my sweet little Freya, and never put selfish wants above her need to be loved and held. They are babies for such a brief time, and their needs are so simple: feed me, keep me clean, warm, safe, secure. My baby is so calm, so mild-tempered, so alert and happy. She won’t always be this content, I know that. But that’s why I am building this rock solid foundation for her. She’ll ALWAYS have me to turn to when she needs me. She can always trust me.

play date

We attended a baby birthday party/playdate today. Though, Warrick was turning three, and would not appreciate being called a baby, and Lily turned two, which is right at the end of babyhood, so nevermind. A toddler’s birthday party! The theme was Curious George. Freya had a blast — there wasn’t a baby gate in sight so I pretty much spent the whole two hours shadowing her to make sure she didn’t go up the stairs or into the bathroom or reach into the kitchen garbage can.

It is nice to see that our house will return to normal someday soon, possibly even by the end of the year.

After the party, she was completely exhausted of course and fell asleep on the 25-minute curvy drive home. I love that drive back from Seabeck. It’s fun. When we got back to our house I carefully carried her upstairs, laid her on the bed, removed her shoes, and let her sleep for about an hour or so, or rather, until she woke up. She was cranky for a few minutes after that, but we nursed and then she wanted to play and sit in my lap while I read books to her. I don’t even know what moms who don’t breastfeed do to calm or cheer up their kids. I’m sure they do *something* but dang nursing is so easy and effective.

I’m making her some Annie’s whole wheat mac and cheese for dinner. She’s still tentative about non-purees, but I think she might be okay with this. And if not, I will eat it for lunch tomorrow!

morning person

I’m kind of a morning person, and Freya is revealing herself to be a night owl. Last night I just gave in after trying to rock/soothe/nurse her to sleep for almost TWO HOURS. Fine, I said. If your body is telling you that staying up past 10:30 works for you right now, we will go ahead and do that, but we will play quietly or read etc until then.

So then, she of course sleeps until 8 or 9 in the morning. Which, okay, that’s cool because I like my quiet mornings to myself, drinking my coffee and getting shit done. Today I got up just after six and finished cleaning up my office, set up my computer speakers — which still don’t work for some unknown reason — and had some internet time.

Later today we’re going to a baby birthday party in Seabeck for Lily (2) and Warrick (3). She will probably nap in the car, which is fine. I’ll bring my Kindle.

bath time

Freya is taking her first Big Girl Bath in the real tub. So much more room for toys! I’m glad to not be using the infant tub anymore. It returns the room to a much more normal and usable state, so that maybe even I could take a bubble bath in there in the near future!!

It also kind of reminds me of her first baths, when she was a slender little newborn, sitting in the tub with her laying on our legs. She’s just so big now. I swear she’s just had a growth spurt. I want to weigh her but I think I’ll wait til her checkup in a week.

a girl’s room

Our house has four bedrooms. One is the master bedroom, one is Brian’s home office, one is the guest room/my office, and the smallest room is Freya’s nursery, where she has never slept and doesn’t even contain a crib (that’s in our room). It’s basically where she gets dressed and diapered.

This room used to be my office. I loved that. I decided today on when it will become my office (and craft room!) again — after Freya turns two in October. Her Grandma Sandy will be visiting us then, so we’ll still need a guest room. But once she departs, we’ll start making the transition. The guest room will be perfect for my little girl. We’ll sell the queen bed, and get Freya a twin bed (secondhand frame I’m sure, though a new mattress of course), and I’ve already started dreaming of what to paint the walls, which right now are a ghastly shade of putty/beige. We won’t go with pink, of course. I think cool shades of green or blue will do nicely. The closet was fitted with shelves for some reason, so those will be taken out and moved into my office room, so she can hang up her clothes. We’ll find some awesome cute curtains for the window. So many plans.

And my office! My computer desk will go on one wall, and opposite that I’ll have Brian build me a plain old table from a slab of wood, like his desk, for my crafts station. Heh. I’ll get to hang my own pictures on the walls, and use the closet shelves for all my papercrafting bins. I’m giddy. Let’s see, ten more months?

saturday breakfast

This morning Freya woke up around seven as Brian was getting out of bed to feed the pets. She cuddled into me and I tried to nurse her back to sleep but she kicked her leg up and down and kept her eyes open. We then lay in the bed like spoons, and I called Brian and asked if he would take her to change her diaper and go start breakfast so Mommy could have a few cherished, rare minutes alone in the bed.

I couldn’t go back to sleep however, so instead I used my mama-time to take a nice long shower and get dressed. Ahhhh.

Brian made apple oatmeal on the stove, while Freya happily ate Cheerios, toast bits, and banana. After breakfast I had my cup of black coffee and a piece of homemade biscotti Christina brought over last night. Freya is now playing with her toys while we listen to a food show on the radio.

We have a list for the weekend, as always, which includes fun stuff like clean the bathroom, change the sheets on the bed, wash the car, continue the clean out the garage project. But it also has things like “go running with Kona” and “create a menu plan for the week,” so it’s not all drudgery.

I am starting to really anticipate spring. Did you know that pitchers and catchers report to spring training in only three weeks? I am really excited to tend to my garden this year. What food will we grow this summer?

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