Friday
I woke up and was not sick.
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Thursday
Left work at two o’clock to take speedy shuttle van to the airport.
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I redesigned my LJ yet again. Finally figured out how to really tweak their CSS and override with my own styles. !important! Hee. Anyway I’m pleased with the colorway. For now.
This weekend in SF: 80 degrees. AW YEAH. Packing sandals tonight. Rena just suggested here for breakfast on Friday. Oh my gosh those beignets.
Finally purchased a sleeping bra. I wish my boobs would stay this awesome post-partum. Seriously I was checking them out this morning and they are just right. Must give them constant support, so they don’t start collapsing under their own weight.
Baby tosses and turns a few times a day. I feel it on the low end, just above my pubic bone and below my navel. It’s getting firm there, when I touch it I know I am really touching right where my uterus is resting. And expanding. Whee!
Really busy tonight. I need to pack because I am leaving from work tomorrow. Plus we are having dad over for dinner. So we’ll need to have the kitchen cleaned up and dinner started, then I’ll need to find some time to pack my suitcase before bedtime at 10. This is why I make lists. If I didn’t I would forget my phone charger or my glasses or something.
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After running to catch the bus: “Sorry about that.”
On the way to get lunch, totally starving: “Don’t worry, we’re going to get some food *right* now.”
Tonight on the couch, while feeling the most kicking I’ve felt thus far: “Wow, you liked that brownie, didn’t you?”
It’s so strange… a squirming feeling, a little bird in my belly, a quivering. Quickening.
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+ I made a list of to-dos for this weekend that’s 20 items long. I am compelled to be extra-productive these days. Maybe because my energy levels are highest at midday and afternoon, when I would normally be at work, sitting here. In the evening I’m just tired. Wednesday night I was ready for bed at, I shit you not, about 8:45. I hung on until 9:30.
+ This morning on the way to the park and ride I lamented to Brian that it wasn’t so very long ago that I was the kind of person who could open my eyes when the alarm went off in the morning, jump right out of bed and get started with my day. Since becoming pregnant however, I must lay in bed, slowly chewing on something, taking little breaks to lie down again, until almost 30 minutes later, I feel it’s safe to stand up without the threat of barfing. I just have to be very careful with my delicate constitution. Brian has been good about bringing me something after he feeds the animals, either a yogurt, or part of a muffin, or a small bowl of cereal.
+ Lunch today: egg salad on foccacia with arugula and cucumbers. Oh so messy and good.
+ My dad gets back into town Monday after being gone since September. I’m going to have to be all hardline about the smoking around me, but other than that I’m really excited to see him!
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A couple of photos from today… click on them to enlarge to full size.
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Just painted my nails pale sheer pink. Typing slowly.
Tonight on the way home I did something I wish I’d done MONTHS ago. On the top deck of the ferry is an enclosed room known unofficially as ‘the quiet room’. It houses about eight rows of seats surrounded by windows on three sides. It’s like the boat’s library. Sitting in there means you will read, sleep, or otherwise shut up.
I sat down and took out my book. So peaceful. No one saying a word. No loud stupid conversations or obnoxious laughter. No people on their cellphones. No screaming kids or unwanted buskers holding everyone hostage. Though the guy on my right did start loudly eating an apple soon after we departed. It was horrific. I had to don my headphones til he finished. It’s the QUIET room, you dick, close your mouth. Anyway. The voyage passed otherwise in wonderful silence, and I read two chapters. Ahhh. I know where I’ll be in subsequent commutes.
In other news, on the way to work this morning I think I felt the baby roll over. Or something. It was pretty weird. Since I have never felt anything like it ever, I have to assume that’s what it was.
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So I have two trips planned in May: one weekend trip to SF to see good friends, another (with Brian) at the end of the month to visit brother in South Carolina, which we planned back in September. Those trips are about ten days apart.
Then we are planning yet another trip two weeks later to Michigan to visit Brian’s family — his sister is about to have a baby.
I can’t help but think that if I weren’t pregnant, all of this would be a million times easier. The money thing wouldn’t be as bad because we wouldn’t be trying extra hard to save for my pending lack of income in the fall. I wouldn’t be physically taxed by taking three round trip flights in the space of thirty days. Is that okay for someone who is six months pregnant?
It’s probably going to be hell for me (the traveling part), not just because it’s yet more money we can’t put aside, but just all the flying and airports and driving for hours etc. I know it’s safe… I just can’t help but worry about the baby anyway. Is that crazy?
I can’t do it at any other time though. I refuse to fly past June. Then the baby will come and we won’t be taking any trips with a newborn in the wintertime. Who knows when we’ll next travel again. And we won’t have the extra money to do it anyway. So this is our only window of opportunity. Should I do it?
The tickets for the first two trips are already purchased. We are fucking broke right now — the tax bill was extremely brutal and wiped out our savings. I am completely torn. I want to see Brian’s family of course. But it’s going to take a serious toll on me, physically and mentally, when I am at my most vulnerable. I am worried I will just be a miserable wreck for the entire trip, exhausted and uncomfortable, etc etc, at a time when I should be taking it easy and taking care of myself. I don’t know what to do.
Edit: the other scary thing is that I have no idea how the stress of all this traveling could affect my baby. I would never forgive myself if it caused any complications at all.
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I finally selected a new theme for my livejournal. Only took a year and a half. I felt like prettifying a bit, plus I wanted to update my links list. I removed Deadspin — used to be my favorite sports blog but the relentless woman-hating that goes on in that place is beyond the pale, and I usually have a sense of humor about that stuff. But it is constant and disturbing. I guess I will get my sports news elsewhere from now on.
In other news, I think I felt the baby kick last night. It was very late and I was laying in bed with my hand on my belly. Then it just poked at the front of my abdomen. I felt it on my palm, just a tap. Like nothing I have ever felt before.
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